stumbling through the good parts

there's a clear delineation to me of the before and after.  i'm using this post to bring together multiple blogs from various time periods, but even in reading previous posts there's a clear line in the sand to me. i'm slower now. slower to react. slower to let others in. slower to trust. slower to feel. slower to heal. and unfortunately, a little slower to laugh. i'm still trying to fix those last few.  there's a large gap in the timeline of these small glimpses into this life - and so much happened in such a blip of a lifetime.  just 5 years. 2013-2018. and in that amount of time, big cracks started to appear.  i lost katy. we started to see the impacts of mom's illness. i started thinking hard about the relationships in my life and what i valued, where i put my time & energy.  some of those friendships would break during this time period, others will take more time for me to truly understand that i was no longer interested in the level of life they we