and we will sleep by the ocean, our hearts will move with the tide.
i go through phases - they seem cyclical every 6-8 months, where i just feel.. broken. maybe not broken. but.. lost? there's probably a much bigger issue there, but mostly i've rode it out over the years. i get into a funk and retreat back into myself and then typically emerge chasing after a new hobby, or interest, or project, or travel plan. i tell myself i just need more discipline. more routines. track all the things. finish the to do list. just don't stop moving, don't start missing. its been years since i truly felt like i wasn't sure if i would make it out to the other side of it. there was a brief window senior year of college after the assault where i hit rock bottom and i really struggled to understand the point. i think about her a lot in these times because, honestly, i know deep down that you can't live for the people around you, you have to live for yourself. and i just want to tell her that she's worth living for. she is whole. as is. that th